009 It’s a different kind of cold

October 1, 2008 – Wednesday

Glacier National Park – Apgar Campground

Well, I’m camping again in Glacier National Park.  The Apgar Campground is still open for the season, without showers but has running water and flush toilets.  That’s what I call luxury right now.  Again, I was able to easily find trees in which to hang my hammock for the night.  It doesn’t seem as cold, here, as it was at Yellowstone, but I believe we’re higher up in elevation and much more north as well.  So, I’m not sure, but it does feel pretty cold as the night goes on, it’s just a different kind of cold somehow.  I have cushioned myself in my hammock tonight like no night before so far.  To figure out what works best, I have been trying things slightly differently each time I sleep in it.  As we were leaving Yellowstone the other day and stopped for coffee at Old Faithful, my mom started talking to the guy at the counter who said he knew what Jungle Hammocks were and if my feet get cold at night, it’s because girls are shorter than men, generally, and that I should stuff all sorts of extra clothing and stuff up by my feet.  So, tonight I have stuffed my robe (which was superfluous yet I’m terribly glad that I have it) into the area by my feet and I have put my quilt which is folded in half the long way underneath my sleeping bag.  I am wearing my long underwear on top & bottom as well as jogging pants (though I desperately want to get a better pair), a pullover hoodie sweatshirt (I could improve that as well), two pairs of socks (need wool) and a winter cap.  I also stuffed the 6 gear pockets full of gear & stuff for insulation.  We’ll see what a difference that makes and ask someone tomorrow how cold it did get here tonight.  

For firewood, we bought almost a trunkful of big logs.  At this point, I have to say that Erik was right – I was going to want an axe.  The other day, I actually picked one up and tonight I chopped up a few logs to have some smaller pieces.  It was great!  I can’t wait to chop some more wood tomorrow since it’s really hard to burn up in just huge logs.  About tomorrow, we were originally expected in Spokane already, but we’re obviously not there yet.  I have to take advantage of the time that I have in Glacier and spend at least a day or two here, so I’m staying tomorrow night as well while my parents leave to go to Spokane.  We’ll have breakfast at a place in West Glacier in the morning and then bike around the park tomorrow as much as we can.

Today was a nice day, I was able to wake up in a nice comfy bed and take a hot shower to wash everything yet again.  Outside our front door were horses and mountains.  We left fairly early in the morning and stopped in Choteau for some breakfast at John Henry’s.  Gosh, what a fantastic breakfast.  I ordered specifically what I wanted, making my own item – half an order of biscuits & gravy, one egg over easy and three pieces of bacon.  Orange juice to start but I didn’t order coffee; I waited until we left the restaurant and before we left town and ran across to the espresso joint for an Americano for the road.

The land, while driving through Montana, was extremely interesting.  The music for this trip so far has been a lot of Nickel Creek.  Nothing else I have right now is really fitting at all, I have to fix that.  I think I know what I’d like to get, but I don’t know how I’m going to do so at this point.  It seems difficult for me to describe the land; mostly what I can offer is photographs right now.  Rolling mountains and valleys, creeks, blue sky & tons of yellow & beige wheat fields with black cows, beautiful horses and a few missile silos…  Only a couple of oil fields that I saw.  

Having the time and space to think while driving through all of this land has started making me just simply to want to travel and learn about different places even more and how I fit with them; experience each land for the beauty it offers but figure out what is at the top of my list.  Then, buy a plot of it far away from main highways and traffic; find someone who can help me build the small buildings that I want to build and just come stay with me and help me build everything.  After that, I can have my own greenhouse where I can grow herbs and vegetables, flowers & more.  Use solar power, wind power, water power, wherever possible and self-sustain as much as I can.  Simply have time to get away from everything and everyone and finally figure out exactly and admit whole-heartedly who I am.  Then just be me, where I have time and land and space away from everything enough to concentrate on creating somethings beautiful.  I don’t even know what that will be right now; I’m so often consumed by distractions of city life.  Not everyone, I think, has to struggle with these questions as much as I do.  Some people know that they just want to get away and live in the mountains or go to school, etc. etc. and some people know that they want to trade stocks, wear suits, go to an office, etc. etc. etc.  And they do that.  

That’s not me.  I seem to want to do it all and I’m always coming up with more.  So, I struggle and seem to not do anything.  I flounder in my own head and don’t get anything accomplished.  This may not seem true, but I feel as though it is.  I feel as though I’m meant for something else, I just have to go through many more experiences before I know what that is.  

My fire is falling apart right now, so I’m going to fix that, even though it’s burning quite beautifully (it is a beautiful fire).  I’m going to stare at the stars for a while so that I can report back to Shawn about them, and try as I always still do to let my shoulders relax.

Hopefully one day I’ll be able to figure out and fix why my shoulders don’t relax.

Stay warm…